For those readers who cringe at poop, personal bodily functions/descriptions…
THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!
Come back tomorrow.
For those readers who have a curiosity about artificial inseminations, this is VERY basic.
But, it’ll do…
Yesterday we took the frozen semen out of the tank, put it in warm water to get those wigglers wigglin’ again, and loaded the straw into the pipette which is covered by a plastic disposable sheath.
We’re ready to make a calf.
The heifers have been synchronized with medicated feed… and each one plastered with a scratch-n-win tag above their tail. This silver colored tag will rub off to bright orange (just like lottery scratch-n-win tickets!) when they ride each other… a signal it is time to breed them.
So here comes the AI crew.
The squeeze chute catches her head as normal, but the back gate is replaced by a bar, so you can reach those parts that need reachin’… Daniel is in position… D. is holding the tail… nothing like getting switched in the face by a poopy tail!
A gloved and lubricated hand reaches in the rectum… sometimes you have to pull out some poop to make room for your hand. Toria was doing it here, but I didn’t catch it on film!
Then you “clean” the vaginal opening with a papertowel. Clean being a relative term. VERY relative.
The tip of the pipette is inserted at an angle… and the work begins! You guide or hold the cervix with the left hand while the right hand’s pipette enters like a penis would. Some are easy… Some cervixes are tiny, bent, angled, short, large… There are pockets in there… There is a bladder in there. It is truly the Braille method on something that isn’t necessarily enjoying the process! They lean forward. They jump back (and you pray the head catch and bar stay in place or you’ll be FLATTENED by an irate heifer!). They poop. They pee.
Sounds like fun, right?
After all this maneuvering, and you are through the cervix, it is time to push out the semen using the little plunger you see.
You squeeze without losing position.
Once the plunger is in all the way… the semen has been delivered to the appropriate spot… and hopefully a little calf has just been created. We’ll find out at preg testing time.
There you have it.
Minus all the jokes…
Minus the sexual innuendos that make me shake my head…
And minus the colorful descriptions of interiors of cows…
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